In which University of Baltimore Asst. Prof. and Bohemian Rhapsody Columnist Marion Winik is moved to attempt to describe some recent experiences using the unique voice and grammar of Junot Díaz, the Pulitzer Prize-winning Dominican-American fiction writer whose recent collection of stories is called This Is How You Lose Her.

Baby, you say, baby, this is part of my novel.  — Junot Díaz

I am not a flirt. Okay, so maybe I am a flirt but I am not a cuero, a slut. I wouldn’t steal another woman’s man. I guess nobody told Miss Lalita that. Chica was putting curses on me from across the room before I had even taken a good look at her boyfriend. Seriously? Half the girls in the bar were already dancing with him. Meanwhile her culo was planted at a V.I.P. table up front, guarding a Tupperware cake box like a nest of baby birds. Read More →

In which University of Baltimore Asst. Prof. and Bohemian Rhapsody Columnist Marion Winik introduces her best girlfriend forever.

When I was young, I knew I would never get married. I had the whole seven dwarfs of unwifely characteristics: Bossy, Macho, Driven, Ornery, Rebellious, Intemperate, and Whack. Still, I was boy-crazy from the get-go and hormones trump all cards. I spent my teens and 20s pursuing a series of mad loves, and then devoted my 30s and 40s to two passionate, screwed-up marriages. My first husband died young; the second and I nearly killed each other. Read More →

University of Baltimore Asst. Prof. and Bohemian Rhapsody Columnist Marion Winik believes in…you.

In the beginning was the word. The word was but. Do you believe in God? No, but. Do you believe in the immortal soul? No, but. Do you believe in magic? No, but I believe in hormones, endorphins, serotonin, in the fireworks and transformations wrought by chemistry. I believe in every kind of serious embrace — parent and child, lovers, friends — and I believe in the power of connection between people to change the rules.

I believe in using the mind to figure things out, but I believe in the power of the senses to blow the mind. I believe in and indeed worship the blowing of the mind, through orgasm, childbirth, the let-down reflex, chanting, dancing, poetry, drugs, and also beauty, art and craft, all intricate things made by hand, sports, music, and particularly rock and roll. Read More →

University of Baltimore Asst. Prof. and Bohemian Rhapsody Columnist Marion Winik tells a startling tale of personal theft…and personal grooming.

Dear Salon Manager,

My dear friend Peggy Maher gave me a gift card for spa services at Christmas last year. Last Wednesday I used my card for a pedicure and gel manicure with your lovely employee, Jane Feldman. It was the first time I ever had a gel manicure and I can’t tell you how much I like it. A week later, my nails still look perfect. That is one of the only things holding me together at this point, as you will soon understand. Read More →

photo courtesy of Amanda King

In which University of Baltimore Asst. Prof. and Bohemian Rhapsody Columnist Marion Winik blows our antiquated minds.

I was in seventh grade when the New Jersey public school system changed the dress code. The girls of Ocean Township wore pants to school for the first time that year, 1970. At which point I put on a pair of Lee jeans, a black leotard and a plaid flannel shirt from the Army-Navy store and pretty much didn’t change until I graduated from high school. Read More →

University of Baltimore Asst. Prof. and Bohemian Rhapsody Columnist Marion Winik discusses “neural storage,” the nature of memory, and the beauty of Mexican seven-layer casserole.

Recently my friend Sandye and I were drinking some local microbrew in Fells Point, and she reminded me of the time we were in Newfoundland and met these guys who served us delicious beer they had made in their garage. “It was the first time we ever had homemade beer, remember?” Sandye said. “And it was the first time I truly liked, even loved, beer.” Read More →

Over spring break, my daughter Jane and I will pay a visit to my childhood neighbor and best friend Carolyn Mahoney in Fort Pierce, Florida. Car was also my two-years-younger sister Nancy’s best friend, a fact which led to some of the more brutal episodes in the long ground war of sibling rivalry. But some good times, too. When Car and I were 14, her family moved from our suburban New Jersey street to Florida. About a week later, she walked out the door and hitchhiked right back up 95 to our house. In the intervening years, she has been incredibly tolerant about her appearances in my memoirs of our insane youth, though she is now a sought-after interior designer and icon of respectability and good taste. The beautiful and hilarious Mahoganizer, as she was once known at the all-night gin rummy tables of Dwight Drive, will always be an inspiration to me. Though as the following essay from my 1994 collection, Telling, shows, we were lucky to survive the escapades our moronic adolescence. Just say no, kids. Read More →

In which UB Asst. Prof and Bohemian Rhapsody columnist Marion Winik tries to figure out whether the cosmic party train will be making a special stop in Baltimore.

Greetings from a lucky apartment in Brooklyn, where Jane and I are visiting this late January weekend. Experience has shown that the typing is good here, as if words swim beneath the floor thick and flashing as trout in a clear mountain stream. So although I have been contemplating the topic of today’s column for several weeks, I thought it best to begin my work in a proven juju spot. Read More →

University of Baltimore Asst. Prof. and Bohemian Rhapsody Columnist Marion Winik knows how to throw a theme party — it’s coded in her DNA.

Jane and Hyman Winik were sports fans, they were partiers, and they liked to play games for money. As soon as the first Super Bowl was televised in the late ’60s, they saw the possibilities. Unlike Christmas, Hanukkah, Easter and Passover, all of which my parents countenanced in a lukewarm, chocolate-bunny way, the Super Bowl reflected deeply-held Winik family interests and values. Step aside, Santa, make way for Bart Starr. Read More →

In which University of Baltimore Asst. Prof. and Bohemian Rhapsody Columnist Marion Winik extols the benefits of rationalization…and recounts the Magical Popcorn story.

A couple nights before Christmas my son’s girlfriend threw a ball for the dog. It smashed a bottle of wine sitting on a counter in the kitchen. We all leapt up from our game of Masterpiece to sop up the scarlet liquid and green glass with paper towels. Read More →