Her last spring concert.  There she stands, on the stepped up bleachers, facing the darkened auditorium, so many spring concerts behind her.  She is beautiful.  Radiant.  With the light of possibility streaming from her.  Standing in heels she could not have balanced in a few short years ago.  Her heart sings in tune with the other young women in her a cappella group. Sweet harmony among friends made through the sometime painful years of growing up.  We stare at Grace, our own hearts so full of love, and hope, and the melancholy acceptance of the passage of time.

This is her season of lasts.  The last gym class, the last day of high school, the last AP test, the last spring concert.  The seniors are excited.  They all know where they are going in the fall, and their only thought now is to celebrate their friendships, and the accomplishments of their high school careers.  They are focused on being together, creating those final memories of this time of growth and learning, in the classroom and out, knowing that everything is about to change.  They are excited, but they are also a little nervous.  At least Grace is. Read More →

She’s in!  And has had a few days to celebrate with the victory lap.  Grace got in to her first-choice college.  Honestly, I don’t think she absolutely knew it was her first-choice until after she received word of acceptance, but the essential, visceral, uncontrollable happiness that came rushing out from her when she read the email told it all.

We are so happy for Grace.  She has worked really hard for so long, with the goal of making choices; being in the driver’s seat in terms of where to go to college; picking them, not having them pick her.  Now, she has the steering wheel firmly in her grasp.  What we have observed, though, is something a little more complicated than the experience of the little girl who gets the present she really wants for Christmas.  The options have dimensions.  She has to deliberate.  There is her first-choice school – an excellent, mid-sized, competitive liberal arts college with a great athletic program, in a cool city.  Then, there is the uber-academic choice – probably the highest ranked of her acceptances, in a less desirable location (it’s COLD there, from October through April), with a questionable reputation for being a no-fun destination.  Finally, there is our fine state school, to which she has received a full scholarship, and admission to the Honors College and Gemstone Program, an elite living and learning curriculum centered around a group research project.  Each of the options has strong appeal.  So, how to decide? Read More →

Nassau Hall, Princeton University. Photo courtesy Wikimedia Commons.

Most of the Ivies will release regular admissions news this Thursday, March 28. Brown, Columbia, Princeton, University of Pennsylvania, and Yale will let nervous seniors know that day.  (Cornell, Dartmouth, and Harvard will release in early April.)  There were, needless to say, a number of high school seniors pacing in their dreams this past weekend.

Last year, these most selective universities accepted less than 10 percent, collectively, of the students who applied to them.  Of the 242,621 applications submitted to the eight schools in the Ivy League, only 23,374 were successful, with the lowest percentage for acceptances at Harvard, scraping at a low 5.9% for overall acceptances, and an even lower 4.2% for regular decision acceptances.  If only six out of a hundred kids get in, I sure hope those applicants have a favored runner-up. Read More →

It is hard for any of us, much less a confused, unhappy nineteen year old, to sift through the many truths of life for clarity.  Such is the challenge for Emily, who thinks she wants to transfer.  She knows that she is not a happy college freshman, but can’t say for sure why.  Is it her college?  The program?  The size of the school (small)?  The other kids who go there?  The distance from home?  The distance from her boyfriend?  Or is she just in a personal valley?

Emily is trying to parse out the elements, separate one fact (she doesn’t like the intensity of the business focus) from another (she finds the social life boring).  But things are complicated – and even from a distance, and being inclined to strong opinions, we can’t help her distill the one factor to hang her unhappy hat on. Read More →

Halleluiah!  Grace got into college!  It is not her first choice school, but it is an excellent option that delivers peace of mind.  I can’t tell if she is happy or just relieved.  My reaction to her news held both of those emotions.

So, it will be easier to settle into the long winter of waiting now.  Like a hunter with a catch already in his pouch, she is no longer desperate.  She knows she will not go hungry.  But what does it mean for the rest of the process? Read More →

Poor, sweet Grace.  She got deferred by her early action school yesterday.  Results were posted electronically at 4pm, and students were able to log on to a secure website, and learn what fates the admissions gods had dispensed.  Rather than rush home, Grace decided in advance that this one decision from this one school would not rule her life, and she would be no slave to it, so she went to her after-school activities, and came home in due course.  Such courage.  Such strength.  My husband, in contrast, was calling me from work every 15 minutes to see if she was home, and what the news was, but not Grace.  She would not hurry. Read More →

As it turns out, we learned nothing last year.  I was hoping we would have gained some insights from having watched our oldest trudge through Senior year, trying to figure out where to apply, how to position herself, which side to feature, to get into the school of her choice.  Unfortunately, it seems, we are just a year older.  No wiser. Read More →

The first visit home from college is not without its bumps…

With painstaking attention to her preferences, I spent time last week preparing for Emily’s first return from college. She has been gone since August 23, and while my husband and I have seen her once, during Parents’ Weekend on her campus, she has not been home for almost three months. We have really been looking forward to having Emily home for Thanksgiving, picturing lingering meals, with no pressure to be anywhere else, and easy, joyful conversations, maybe with me sitting on the end of her bed.

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It is no coincidence, I think, that the last two pulses of media input I have received have been:  1) a story on NPR paying homage to the Halloween season which described the scientifically authenticated phenomenon of being scared to death, and 2) an email from the college counseling department chair at Grace’s high school advising us that the looming November 1 application deadline might get thoroughly bungled if “Frankenstorm” takes out the power on the Eastern Seaboard!  I hope Grace hasn’t seen the email yet.  I might actually give her a drink just to settle her nerves. Read More →

Photo courtesy Wikimedia Commons.

“Getting In,” our column on college admissions, continues with writer Elizabeth Frederick moving on to child number two.  Will she be wiser the second time around?? -The Eds

When I think of Grace, it is sometimes an image of the round-cheeked, silken pre-schooler dressed in sequins, tutus, boas, and plastic kitten heels.  Sometimes, it is the middle school Grace of drawstring, dotty shorts and a team t-shirt.  Or the Grace of fuzzy pajamas wearing her old, purple glasses.  I think of the child with the invisible friend, who defended her from her dominant older sister, and of her remarkable capacity for deep, infectious belly laughter.  I think of her snuggled warm under a blanket, lost in a good book about a princess.  Until recently, I have not had to think of her as Grace, the independent.  Grace, the college student.  Grace, the one who will leave.  Read More →