This is a really weird situation, but one that I can’t seem to figure out. I hope you can help me with it. I am a 20-year old female, college student with a roommate, Rebecca, who is totally creeping me out by the way she has been acting.
This is our first year rooming together, but I knew her before, not as a friend but just a student in the same class last year. Toward the end of the school year, she asked me if I wanted to be roommates next year. I thought it would be a good idea because my old roommate was going to be living off-campus with her boyfriend, and she seemed nice.
Anyway, here is the problem: After Thanksgiving, just a little before Christmas, I noticed that she was starting to wear her hair differently. She changed the color, the length, and the style so that it looked just like mine! Not only that, but she started wearing contact lenses that made her eyes the same color as mine!! And on top of that, she is kind of dressing like me too. I thought I was being generous at the beginning of the year when she complimented me on a sweater I was wearing, by saying she could borrow clothes from me “anytime.” She seems to have taken that literally: every day, there she is in another article of my wardrobe.
I was so completely freaked out I didn’t know what to do or say, so I did nothing. Now after having the Christmas break to think about it, I have decided that I need to do something to find out what is going on with her. I really need some advice because what Rebecca is doing is distracting me from school and just making me anxious and feeling crazy.
You have a few options that I can see. You can continue to ignore what Rebecca is doing, confront her about it, talk to your RA about a roommate change, discuss it with the director of residential life on campus, or see what happens if you change your look from the one she is imitating. Let’s look at the probable results each strategy will bring.
If you continue to ignore Rebecca’s copy-catting, you will probably still be as uncomfortable and puzzled about it as you are now because you’ll still be wondering why she is doing it. The curiosity factor is as much at work as the anxiety factor and therefore, the turning-a-blind-eye tactic will likely not turn out the way you want.
Confronting Rebecca about it seems like a high-risk, low-probability-of -success option. What do you do or say if she seems to be puzzled by your question? For example:
You: Why you are trying to look like me?
Rebecca: What are you talking about?
Even if she is trying to look like you (she could be gaslighting you), this approach has a much better chance of making you look like you’re the crazy one. Read More →