How Gruesome Was My Thanksgiving! (A Baltimore Fishbowl Contest)
Remember the time Uncle Philbert, freshly released from “the facility,” volunteered to eat all of the fallen mashed potatoes off the kitchen floor…wearing only a jockstrap and gingham apron?
What about the year your entire extended family voted to skip the tradition of a home-cooked meal and instead travel from multiple Maryland cities to meet at a beloved, always-open Chinese restaurant on the outskirts of Baltimore, only to discover upon hungry arrival that the restaurant actually closed shop on this one, single day of the year and no other? By then, your bulimic brother-in-law Jerry, already in the throes of hypoglycemic hysteria, tears trickling, was screaming at your sister: “I just wanted moo goo gai pan! I lost my job this year. Is moo goo too effing much to ask?”
Or how about the Black Friday your snotty cousin Dierdre gave birth to twins during the pre-dawn line-up outside of Costco? You never thought you’d bond with that gal, but never say…
Have we jogged your horrid holiday memory yet?
All terrible stories should take place on or around Thanksgiving. Deadline: This Wednesday at 5 p.m.
Word count: 500 max.
Winner to be announced/published Thanksgiving Day! Let us hear by posting a comment below. (The gruesomer the better.)